The boy was knifed in the alleyway behind the video store. I’d gone out to smoke a cigarette while there were no customers and saw a dark shadow fleeing into the orange blush of the streetlights on Main. It was not until I moved around the dumpster to stub out my smoke that I saw the bleeding boy. He lay in the shadows, too-thin arms and legs at weird angles as oily blood pooled beneath him.
“Hey!” I said, kneeling gingerly beside him. “Are you okay?” I knew he wasn’t, but needed to say something, the silence of the alley having become oppressive. His eyes flickered open and he blinked, once, twice. He stared at me for an eternity, eyes cat-like in the neon glow from the Chinese restaurant across the way. The eyelids lowered slightly then widened, the eyes beneath glazing over, losing focus. Losing life.
Do let me know what you think. And if you like, share a super-short story of your own!
I enjoyed this. You did a great job conveying the scenery. "...the orange blush of the streetlights on Main," and "...the neon glow from the Chinese restaurant across the way."ReplyDelete
I would like to know more specifically how the narrator feels in the second paragraph with the oppressive silence in the alley. The use of the passive voice took me out of the narrative flow.
My favorite part was at the end when you described the life leaving the boy. "The eyelids lowered slightly then widened, the eyes beneath glazing over, losing focus." Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful and heart-wrenching story... Excellently executed. I also just gave you an award on my blog... Come by to check it out! :)ReplyDelete
My super shorts end up as scenes in my projects, lol.ReplyDelete
That was intense. You should work it in to something.
I love this. Nice job, Kate.ReplyDelete
Isn't it hard to write something this short and not start to build a longer story around it?
I should try this :)