Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2015 Round Up

As another year comes to a close, I figure it's time to dig out the letter I wrote myself at the beginning of the year to check how I did with achieving the goals I set for myself...  

Dear Me,

Before I go ahead and outline my plans for the year ahead, I feel like I need to look back on the year that has just been.  It felt like a hard year, and there was so much I didn’t enjoy about 2014, yet in many ways it has been the most successful year I’ve had in a long time.  I think my dissatisfaction was largely because I really didn’t enjoy the job I had for much of the year.  It was tiring and demanding and very unsatisfying and that left me so drained that it was hard to motivate myself to write at the end of every day.  So I haven’t produced the amount of work I’m used to producing in a year.

But at the same time, 2014 was the year my first novel was published and the year I got an agent.  And right at the end of the year, I got a new job that is already making me so much happier than my old one.

Going into 2015, I’m excited about my new job.  It’s going to be challenging, but I think I’m going to enjoy that.  I’ve been doing the same thing for so long, it’s refreshing to be going into a job where I’ll have new responsibilities and a variety of different people to work with throughout the year, as well as a variety of different tasks and responsibilities.

It sure has been challenging!  But I've loved it.  I've learned so much and done so many different things and worked with so many amazingly talented people.  There have been stressful times, and times I haven't enjoyed what I was doing, but overall, it has been a wonderful experience and I'm so glad I made the change and got out of the cinema management game.  I do miss it sometimes, but what I'm doing now is a lot more rewarding.

With weekends and evenings free (for the first time in 23 years), I plan to set myself a regular writing schedule, with enough flexibility that I can still go out every now and then without feeling guilty about missing a writing day.  I figure a 5-day a week schedule will work because at the speed I generally write, I can guarantee 7500 – 10 000 words a week while drafting.  Revising is usually a lot slower, but I still usually manage a chapter or two a night, depending on how much rewriting and adding new scenes is needed.

I haven't managed quite the schedule I planned.  My job involved more travel than I anticipated and I hadn't figured on being so exhausted by the end of each day.  I have tried hard to stick to the 5 day a week schedule, but it hasn't worked out every week...  I'm not unhappy with the work I have done though, so I guess that's a good thing.

I’m still drafting my NaNo novel, but it’s almost finished. It’s going to need a lot of revising because it’s really just a bare bones draft and so much of the story and characters have come into focus as I’ve written the book.  And the story has taken me in some interesting and unexpected directions as I’ve written it.  Once the draft is done, I’m going to leave it for a few weeks before diving into revisions.

Well, I did finish it.  I just ended up leaving it a lot longer before I started revising.  And then when I did, I got notes from my agent on 2 other projects that needed my attention, so the revision still isn't finished.

While I let the NaNo book settle, I plan to finish the NA I’ve been working on off and on for the last year or so.  It doesn’t need a ton of work since most of it is done, but it needs some polishing and my CP’s eagle eye over it before I will feel comfortable sending it out into the world.

My CP convinced me it wasn't good enough as it was, and I agree.  So one day, when I have a little time up my sleeve, I may go back and try to make it work as the dual POV YA I initially intended it to be.  Or I'll leave it in the trunk as something that was once a good idea and maybe isn't me anymore.  Who knows?

So the plan for this year is to finish the NA and this year’s NaNo book, plus I have another story idea I’m excited to write.  Once the other two are done, I’ll write this one (it’s also an NA story, I think…)

Not sure what that idea was, but the one I actually wrote wasn't NA, so I'm guessing that wasn't it....

Another reason my productivity has been low in 2014 is that I’ve had other things going on. An Unstill Life published in January and keeping up with publicizing it has taken up quite a bit of my already limited writing time.  I have also been doing revisions on another book so my agent can take it out on submission early this year. 

That happened.  And if you think querying is tough, try being on submission!  Ultimately this experience ended up with me doing more revising after almost all the responses cited the same issue with the story.  So I revised.  Again.  Maybe next year?

I’ve found switching focus between projects is challenging for me and I have trunked a novel this year because somehow, in between editing and publicity and revising other things, I lost what I was trying to do with the book.  I need to get over this problem because if I’m going to have a writing career, this is going to happen a lot.  There will always be times when a WIP has to be dropped for edits or revisions, and I need to be able to pick back up without feeling lost in my text.  I’m not sure quite how to do this….

I think I'm managing this better.  I don't know how or why, but I haven't had the same problem picking things back up as I had previously.  Maybe I just knew my stories better.

In 2014 I didn’t manage to be as present for my crit group as I wanted to be.  This year I will endeavor to be more regular with my critiques.  I love this group and they are a huge part of my writing journey, so I need to give them the same attention they give me.

Sadly, I didn't manage this one and I feel terrible about it.  One day I'm going to find a way to gain an hour or two a day so I have more time to do the things that are important to me.

I didn’t manage to lose any weight in 2014, so once again I’ll list it in my ‘to-dos’ for 2015.  I have a plan for regular trips to the gym and exercise during lunch-breaks, not to mention a diet plan I hope to have the will power to stick to.  I’ve managed to keep my weight the same over the last few years because my job has been quite physical, with a lot of time on my feet.  Now that my job is mostly sedentary, and the bus takes me pretty much right there, I need to really focus on diet and exercise if I don’t want to blow up like a balloon.

Thankfully I haven't blown up like a balloon.  But I don't think I lost any weight either (my scales broke and I don't want to buy more, although I should).

And that’s about it for 2015.  I’m sure things will come up that I’m not expecting, and some will be wonderful and others less so…  I’ll check in mid-year to see how things are tracking.

Love, Me.

And tune in tomorrow or the next day for my 2016 goals....

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Books I've Loved and Books I Haven't Loved so Much

I've read a lot of books in 2015.  181 according to Goodreads.  Some have been fantastic.  Others good.  Some less than good.  But I don't regret reading a single one.  Sometimes you have to read something terrible to appreciate the good ones when you get to them.

So rather that reviewing a single book here for the last 'Books I've Loved' post, I thought I would share my year in books that Goodreads so kindly created for me.

You will find them all there.  The 5 star ones I probably gushed about here, and the others that I probably didn't.

And if I had to list a few that really stood out for me? Not Otherwise Specified by Hannah Moskowitz, Give Me The Sun by Jandy Nelson, All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven, all the books by A. S. King that I read, and....  Well, the list goes on and on.

I'm about to go to the library to pick out some books to read on vacation next week.  Hopefully I'll find some good ones to share with you!

Happy reading!

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I hope you all have a magnificent day!


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Books I've Loved: Mosquitoland

I read this over the weekend and loved it.

It's about a girl who is a little odd.  Her name is Mary Iris Malone, but everyone calls her Mim.  She runs away from her father and his new wife after overhearing a conversation that leads her to believe her mother is fighting an illness in the hometown her father has recently moved the family away from.

So Mim hops on a Greyhound bus and begins a journey across the States.

As you can probably imagine, things don't go as planned.  But what unfolds is a story about loyalty, misconceptions, misunderstandings and love.

Mim is a delightfully quirky narrator and I enjoyed my time in her company immensely.  I also enjoyed the ending which was full of surprises I never saw coming - well, most of them anyway.

I recommend this one very highly.  Once I picked it up, I really didn't want to put it down.

If you don't believe me, here's the blurb: 

"I am a collection of oddities, a circus of neurons and electrons: my heart is the ringmaster, my soul is the trapeze artist, and the world is my audience. It sounds strange because it is, and it is, because I am strange."

After the sudden collapse of her family, Mim Malone is dragged from her home in northern Ohio to the "wastelands" of Mississippi, where she lives in a medicated milieu with her dad and new stepmom. Before the dust has a chance to settle, she learns her mother is sick back in Cleveland.

So she ditches her new life and hops aboard a northbound Greyhound bus to her real home and her real mother, meeting a quirky cast of fellow travelers along the way. But when her thousand-mile journey takes a few turns she could never see coming, Mim must confront her own demons, redefining her notions of love, loyalty, and what it means to be sane.

Told in an unforgettable, kaleidoscopic voice, "Mosquitoland" is a modern American odyssey, as hilarious as it is heartbreaking.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Weekly Goals 21-12-15

Winding down toward the end of the year now...  Two more days at work (not that I'm counting...who am I kidding? I'm checking the time every 15 minutes) then almost 3 weeks of vacation.  I am SO looking forward to it.

So my goal this week is to get my little revision of STUMPED finished and sent off to my agent before Christmas.  It's not a big job, so I figure I can get it done quickly.

Then I'll have time to catch up on reviews for my critique group and reading and lounging on the beach.  I may do a little work on My Murder Year, but basically I'm cruising until January 11 when I get back from vacation.

I plan to read a lot of books.

What are your goals this week?

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Deja Vu Blogfest

What a great idea!  A chance to re-post a favorite or under-seen blog post from earlier in the year.  So here you go...  One you may have missed during the A-Z challenge.

F is for Failure

The last few weeks I've been working on writing our company's new gender policy and as such, I've been doing a lot of reading about gender equality and initiatives similar businesses have made to address the under-representation of women in some areas of the film industry.

One of the more interesting things I came across was an article about how women deal differently with failure and self-expectation than men. Women generally won't apply for jobs unless they feel they're 100% qualified or fit all the criteria asked for. Men assume they can do it and apply anyway. Women rarely ask for pay rises, and when they do, they ask for far less than men do. Women often won't attempt a task unless they're certain they can do it.

Does this mean women set themselves up to fail? Or are they just more cautious? Is it because girls are told as children that being 'good' is more important than challenging themselves?

I don't have any answers. But I found the statistics about failure interesting. My sister doesn't deal with failure at all. She failed one test back when she was about nine and hated it so much, she basically resolved never to fail again. I feel like all her decisions from there on were based on whether she'd fail. She chose a sport very few people do so she could be among the best at it (she was). She chose subjects at school she knew she would excel at.

I've never had a problem with failure. I don't like it, of course. Who does? But I recognize that often you learn as much from failing as you do from being successful. And being able to deal with failure means you're more likely to challenge yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone. And putting your heart and soul into a manuscript and then sending it off for a bunch of strangers to read and reject is definitely a challenge.

So while I wrote six or seven novels and queried them without success, I don't consider any of those books a failure. An embarrassment in some cases, maybe, but never a failure…

How do you deal with failure?

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Celebrate the Small Things 18-12-15

This post is part of Lexa Cain's bloghop, Celebrate the Small Things. Head on over there to join up!

So what am I celebrating this week?

It's almost the end of the work year!  I have two and a half days to work next week, then I'm on holiday until January 10th.  I can't wait.  It has been a good year, but it has also been a very busy year.  I've learned a tremendous amount in my new job which is great, but it has also been a lot of hard work.  I'm looking forward to the break to relax a little and refresh myself for what already looks like a very busy 2016.

My kids finish school for the year today.  My oldest is leaving elementary school and moving to middle school.  We had his Year 6 graduation on Wednesday which was a rather over-the-top affair for a bunch of 11 year olds (if you ask me).  But he had a great time and we were very proud of him winning one of the teachers' special awards.  After the awards the parents had to leave while kids had dinner and  a dance.  My son even managed to work up the nerve to dance with the little girl he's had a crush on since they were in Year One.

I finished my revision on Sidewalks and turned it in to my agent.  Hitting send on that one was SUCH a relief!  The following day I heard back from her about my revision of STUMPED and she loves both the new endings!  But I have an idea how I can incorporate both into the final book, so that's my project over the next week.  And to make me feel even more positive, my agent also sent me a proposal for something she thinks might be a good fit for my out-of-print book!  All of a sudden I'm feeling more positive about this whole writing thing.

I've read some fantastic books this year, many of which I've talked about here on the blog.  If you want to take a look, Goodreads kindly assembled a list for me...

What are you celebrating this week?

Monday, December 14, 2015

Map of Fates

If you've already read The Conspiracy of Us by Maggie Hall, you probably don't need to be told that its gorgeous, thrilling, sexy-as-hell sequel, Map of Fates, releases in three months. What you do need is an Advance Readers Copy of it, and some signed swag, and this is where you can get it!
(Photo: Sofia Embid)
To get your hands on a beautiful ARC, signed postcard, signed bookmark, and tattoos, you have to make the same tough choice as every Conspiracy fan:

Team Jack?
Team Stellan?

Pick one of the below pictures (with thanks to creator Diana Sousa!) and share it – on Instagram and Twitter – with the hashtag #MapOfMates, and tell us where you’d want to be swept away on an all-expenses-paid trip!
On January 2, five ARC winners will be selected, and yes, the giveaway is international!
  • 1 #TeamJack from Instagram
  • 1 #TeamStellan from Instagram
  • 1 #TeamJack from Twitter
  • 1 #TeamStellan from Twitter
  • 1 from either team who has one of the pics as their Twitter avatar
Haven’t read The Conspiracy of Us yet? Buy it now, and/or enter to win it (until 12/17) here! (Prefer paperback? That releases on February 2nd!) (Whether you enter or not, please spread the word; Maggie’s an amazing, generous, and talented member of the YA community, and due to emergency circumstances, she's unable to promote her own books right now, so please give all the support you can!) (But, like, you should enter, because these books are pretty damn good.)
Winners will be notified on January 2, 2016. See you on #MapOfMates!

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Weekly Goals 14-12-15

I know I've been saying it for weeks now, but I am going to finish the Sidewalks revision TODAY!  I am going to send it to my agent before I go to bed tonight so I don't have an urge to tinker any more with it.

So that's the main goal for this week.

Apart from that, it's going to be getting ready for Christmas and doing some long-overdue reviewing for my crit group.  Oh, and wrapping up the year at work.  I have a couple of quite big things I need to get through this week because a few big events in my work-world will happen while I'm away on holiday and I need to have everything set up so someone can just press a button and make things live on our website at the appropriate moment.

After the holidays I will get back into revising My Murder Year.  Or before if I can't bear to not write at all.

What are your goals this week?

Friday, December 11, 2015

Celebrate the Small Things 11-12-15

This post is part of Lexa Cain's bloghop, Celebrate the Small Things.  Head on over there to join up!

So what am I celebrating this week?

Only a week left at work before we go on break.  Well, a little over a week, but I doubt those last two days will be arduous....  We had our staff Xmas party last night and it was fun.  Much better than last year's party.

I'm very close to finally finishing my revision on Sidewalks.  I'm just going through now and trying to cut a few more words.  I've got it down to 86K now, which is much better than the 95K it had crept up to in an earlier draft.

AC/DC are playing in town tonight and I'm working the bar at the stadium again to fundraise for my son's Cub troop.  I imagine the bar will be much busier than it was for Elton John, but hopefully they will close us down just as early so I can go and rock out.

What are you celebrating this week?

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Secret Files of Fairday Morrow

This fun new book is being released and I'm lucky enough to have its authors, Jess and Stephanie, here on the blog to answer a few questions.  Hi Jess! Hi Steph!

If you could swap places with one of your fictional characters for 24 hours, who would you choose to be? Why? And what would you do that day?

Stephanie: Margo, Fairday’s little sister. As a toddler she sees the world with fresh eyes, and I would love to spend some time in her head.

Jess: Eldrich the gypsy, because she’s so mysterious. I would enchant everyone I meet.

• In what way is your story unique compared to other books in this genre?

Stephanie: Some of the clues like bagpipes and dried rose petals are things that don’t usually come up in other mysteries. Often the parents of characters are not involved or they aren’t paying attention to their child because they are too busy. Fairday’s parents keep tabs on her and are concerned when they think she is letting the ghost stories about the house get to her.

Jess: The original idea for Ruby Begonia’s high-heeled sneakers was given to me by my grandfather, John Haight. The story evolved from a rhyming children’s poem to a middle grade chapter book. Stephanie and I both love to read, write and be creative, so I would say the story is unique because it was born from our imaginations, and we wrote the story from our childhood experiences. Fairday and Lizzy’s friendship is very similar to our own. :)

• What part of the story was the most fun to write? The most challenging?

Stephanie: I liked working on the scene with Marcus at recess. I don’t want to give anything away, but it was especially easy to picture the scene. The most challenging was working on our editing skills. Taking out unnecessary words can be tricky, but we are getting better all the time.

Jess: Our editor, Krista Vitola, was inspirational in helping us to craft clever ways to piece together the clues in the story, and working with Stephanie to reveal the secrets to the reader was extremely challenging and fun- I also love working on the spooky parts. :)

• Which of your characters is most like you?

Stephanie: No one! I am a combination of them, or they are a combination of me. I devour books, just like Fairday. I try to be positive and Lizzy is always looking on the brighter side of things. Marcus and I both love science and have great memories.

Jess: I am a 50/50 mix of Fairday and Lizzy. Fairday loves words and rhyming, which is a passion of mine, and Lizzy can’t resist sparkly things- neither can I!

• If you could have one superpower, what would it be and how would you use it?

Stephanie: There are so many powers I would like. But, based on how busy things are right now I would love to freeze time. I dream about that extra pocket of time I could get each day to catch up or take a nap.

Jess: I would want the power to fly, and that’s what I would use it for- to soar around and check everything out from above.

• If you could reenact a scene from any book (not necessarily your own), what would it be? Who would you choose for your scene partner(s)?

Stephanie and Jess: Without a doubt we would visit Hogsmeade together. It would be amazing to sit down with Ron, Harry, and Hermione at The Three Broomsticks and have a butterbeer.

• Tell us something we’d be surprised to learn about you.

Stephanie: I can wiggle my ears.

Jess: I do not want or have a cell phone.

• What other interests do you have outside of writing?

Stephanie: Reading, traveling, and astronomy.

Jess: Drawing, collecting rocks, gardening and photography.

• Do you have a nervous habit when writing? A guilty pleasure when writing? (example: chew a pen to death or have a stack of Hershey’s kisses while you write)

Stephanie: I always pour myself a nice cup of coffee when I start writing, but when I finish working I realize I only drank one sip. I guess once I get going I forget about the world around me.

Jess: The writing itself is the ritual. I tend to pick away at various chapters, and I can get lost doing that for hours.

Thanks so much for coming to visit me!  And after that, I bet you're dying to know more about the book....

Fear Not the Unexpected

Eleven-year-old Fairday Morrow is less than thrilled that her family is moving thousands of miles from civilization to the quiet country town of Ashpot, Connecticut, where she’s absolutely certain she’ll die of boredom.

As if leaving Manhatten and her best friend, Lizzy, the only other member of the elite Detective Mystery Squad, weren’t bad enough, Fairday is stuck living in the infamous Begonia House, a creepy old Victorian with dark passageways, a gigantic dead willow tree, and a mysterious past.

Before she can even unpack, strange music coming from behind a padlocked door leads Fairday up a spiral staircase and into a secret room, where she finds an ancient mirror, a brass key, and a curious portrait of a red-haired lady. These seemingly unrelated items prove to be the first in a series of clues that takes Fairday, the visiting Lizzy, and their new squad member, Marcus, on an amazing adventure.

Can the members of the Detective Mystery Squad piece together the puzzle before it’s too late? Or will whatever’s causing trouble find Fairday and her friends first?

 And what about the authors?

Jessica Haight is a true New Englander, with a deep desire to be near the ocean and a love of the four seasons. She enjoys drawing while standing up and cultivating magic in her garden. She easily floats away in the pages of a good story and is still waiting for her owl from Hogwarts. Jessica lives in Connecticut with her charming fiancĂ©, James; dog, Jack; cat, Bill; and a very entitled bunny named Alice. 
Stephanie Robinson lives with her husband in a quiet town, though not as quaint as Ashpot. After teaching fifth grade for almost fifteen years, she is now enjoying her role as a school media specialist. One of the many benefits of her job is that she learns something new every day. When Stephanie isn't working, she spends her time creating stories, getting lost in books, and traveling to new places. 

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Books I've Loved: I Crawl Through It

I read this over the weekend and finished it in about three hours.  At the end, I had no idea what I'd read, just that I loved it.

This has to be one of the weirdest books I've read in a long time.  The characters are odd.  Their situations are odd, yet underlying all that is a sense that reality is there, just a tiny bit off kilter.

All the characters are dealing with things bigger than they are and the odd ways they express themselves or show their damage (or hide it) are part of their ways of coping with these big, life-changing events.  They could be seen as metaphoric - I don't think China really turns herself inside out so she's nothing more than a walking anus - that's just how she feels at the time.

For much of the book I just read, riding the prose and waiting for a moment when everything became clear to me.  And that did happen.  Toward the end reality crashes in and it becomes clear what each of these characters has been through.  It's possible then to understand why they have chosen to react the way they do.

I think what I liked most about the book is that the characters are smart.  Unashamedly smart.  But they're not nerds or geeks the way smart kids are often portrayed in books.  They're normal, smart kids with problems.

This won't be for everyone.  It's twisted and strange and surreal, but if you're willing to go with it, I think you'll enjoy it.

If you don't believe me, here's the blurb:

Four talented teenagers are traumatized-coping with grief, surviving trauma, facing the anxiety of standardized tests and the neglect of self-absorbed adults—and they'll do anything to escape the pressure. They'll even build an invisible helicopter, to fly far away to a place where everyone will understand them... until they learn the only way to escape reality is to fly right into it.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Weekly Goals 7-12-15

It's pretty much business as usual over here.  My goal this week, as it has been every week for the last month or so, is to finish revising Sidewalks so I can send it back to my agent.

I did some major surgery on it over the weekend, but I'm not sure I fixed anything or made it worse.  We shall see...  I still need to go through and fix the ripple-downs that the changes have made, then I will read the whole thing through again to see if it works now.

I'm starting to kind of hate this book...

At work my goal is to finish the huge administrative task I took on.  At the time, I thought it would be a quick, easy thing I could knock out in an afternoon.  Um...  Not so much.

I also plan to keep up the pre-quiz night gym visit if possible.  It's only one extra time a week, but I'm sure it will make a difference.

What are your goals for the week?

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Celebrate the Small Things 4-12-15

This post is part of Lexa Cain'sbloghop, Celebrate the Small Things(Lexa has just taken it over from VikLit who has hosted it for the last 2 years). Head on over there to join up!

So, what am I celebrating this week?

It's almost the holidays!  The kids have 2 more weeks of school, and I have only a few days more than that left at work before we break for the year.  It feels like it's been a LOOOOONG time since I last had a holiday and I'm looking forward to the almost 3 weeks I get off from December 23.

It's a beautiful evening here in Wellington and the kids are going to their grandparents for the night while my partner and I head off to a BBQ at a friend's boatshed on the harbour.  It's going to be a perfect night for it,

I didn't get my book off to my agent this week as planned because I got feedback from my second reader that really resonated and I realized it's just not ready.  I think I need to do some heavy surgery to get it ready so am gearing up to try that.  I'm not sure it will help  much, but we'll see...

What are you celebrating this week?

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Books I've Loved....Cam Girl

I'm such a huge fan of Leah Raeder.  She writes so beautifully and her descriptions are always so spot on.  From the first page of this book, I was hooked.

The other thing I love about Raeder's books is that she isn't afraid to write unlikeable girls.  Her characters are never sweet people.  They are gritty and complicated and real.  Never more so than in this book.

Yet there is real romance here.  In between hurting each other (and themselves) Vada and Ellis have a touching and often heartbreaking love for one another.  Ellis knows what it is and is frustrated that Vada won't commit to her wholly and completely.

The book explores some interesting ideas about bisexuality and gender as a spectrum rather than an either/or, something I haven't seen presented so clearly or as well in any other book.  It also explores camming and the connections between viewers and the one on camera.

This is a book to savor.  You want to read it slowly so you can notice the beauty of the language, but you want to read it fast so you can find out what happens next.

If you don't believe me, here's the blurb...

Vada Bergen is broke, the black sheep of her family, and moving a thousand miles away from home for grad school, but she’s got the two things she loves most: her art and her best friend—and sometimes more—Ellis Carraway. Ellis and Vada have a friendship so consuming it’s hard to tell where one girl ends and the other begins. It’s intense. It’s a little codependent. And nothing can tear them apart.

Until an accident on an icy winter road changes everything.

Vada is left deeply scarred, both emotionally and physically. Her once-promising art career is cut short. And Ellis pulls away, unwilling to talk about that night. Everything Vada loved is gone.

She’s got nothing left to lose.

So when she meets some smooth-talking entrepreneurs who offer to set her up as a cam girl, she can’t say no. All Vada has to do is spend a couple hours each night stripping on webcam, and the “tips” come pouring in.

It’s just a kinky escape from reality until a client gets serious. “Blue” is mysterious, alluring, and more interested in Vada’s life than her body. Online, they chat intimately. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. It’s an easy decision: she’s starting to fall for him. But the steamier it gets, the more she craves the real man behind the keyboard. So Vada pops the question:

Can we meet IRL?

Blue agrees, on one condition. A condition that brings back a ghost from her past. Now Vada must confront the devastating secrets she's been running from—those of others, and those she's been keeping from herself...