Books I've Read; Always the Almost

This is one of those books I enjoyed while I read it, but had some problems with afterward, when I thought about it a bit more.  I'm always quite intrigued by books like that!

Mile is sixteen, a virtuoso classical pianist, and recently came out as trans.  So recently he still hopes he can win back his boyfriend, Shane, who broke up with him when he came out as a guy.  He still has a long way to go to figure out exactly who he is, something that is brought into the light even more when he starts working with a new piano teacher who tells him he plays like he's unsure who he is.

Miles's plans go awry when he meets the new guy in school, an artist, Eric, who has recently transferred from Seattle.  Eric is comfortable in his queer skin in a way Miles isn't, and is comfortable with giving Miles whatever space he needs.  Despite trying not to have feelings for him - who has time for that on top of everything else? - Miles finds himself increasingly attracted to Eric.  When they fake dating to get invited to the hottest Valentine's Day party, things begin to get real.

I liked how insecure Miles was and how honestly the author captured that feeling of never being quite enough.  It made some of the less-stellar things Miles did in the course of the book understandable, if not excusable.  Miles is quite self-centred even though he isn't certain who that self is.  And he does some selfish things because of this.  Selfish things that hurt people around him.  

I really enjoyed the scenes at the piano competitions and seeing how much work and dedication goes into being that good as a musician.  And how cut-throat things can get behind the scenes.  

This is not a perfect book and some readers will have a bigger issue with some of Miles's behaviour than I did.  I'm of the mindset that teenagers do stupid stuff without thinking about the consequences and portraying them as such is realistic, but I know other readers are not quite so forgiving.

But overall, this felt like a really realistic representation of someone still growing into their skin and figuring out who they are and where they fit into the world.  So I'd recommend it.

But don't just listen to me.  Here's the blurb:

Sixteen-year-old trans boy Miles Jacobson has two New Year’s resolutions: 1) win back his ex-boyfriend (and star of the football team) Shane McIntyre, and 2) finally beat his slimy arch-nemesis at the Midwest’s biggest classical piano competition. But that’s not going to be so easy. For one thing, Shane broke up with Miles two weeks after Miles came out as trans, and now Shane’s stubbornly ignoring him, even when they literally bump into each other. Plus, Miles’ new, slightly terrifying piano teacher keeps telling him that he’s playing like he “doesn’t know who he is”—whatever that means.

Then Miles meets the new boy in town, Eric Mendez, a proudly queer cartoonist from Seattle who asks his pronouns, cares about art as much as he does—and makes his stomach flutter. Not what he needs to be focusing on right now. But after Eric and Miles pretend to date so they can score an invite to a couples-only Valentine’s party, the ruse turns real with a kiss, which is also definitely not in the plan. If only Miles could figure out why Eric likes him so much. After all, it's not like he’s cool or confident or comfortable in his own skin. He’s not even good enough at piano to get his fellow competitors to respect him, especially now, as Miles. Nothing’s ever been as easy for him as for other people—other boys. He’s only ever been almost enough.

So why, when he’s with Eric, does it feel like the only person he’s ever really not been enough for...is himself?