I squirmed on the splintery wooden bench. The room was too small and the irregular buzzing that crept over the lopsided swinging doors set my teeth on edge. Each burst sent a cloud of rusty orange scattering through my skull.
“Is this okay, Livvie?” Mel leaned over and pressed a slip of paper onto my knee.
I studied it for a moment, still trying to shake off the burning color my synesthesia had painted the world. “Yeah. It’s perfect.” I grinned at her, but my lips trembled so much I’m sure it was more a grimace.
“What about yours?” Mel turned to Hannah who had her paper crumpled in her fist.
She smoothed it out against the taut fabric of her jeans. “It’s good. I don’t think Mom could tell she hadn’t signed it.”
Mel sighed and glanced down at her own scrap of paper. “At least they’re all different. And how close are they going to look?”
Hannah’s eyes roved the enclosed space, photographs curling on every wall. “It’s a business right? They want to make money. I bet they just ask for these things ‘cos they have to.”
“You’re probably right.” Mel stood up and folded her permission slip back into her pocket. “I wish they’d hurry up though.”
“Me too.” I shifted again, my butt numbing against the hard surface. Coming here had seemed a good idea, but now, after almost half an hour on the wrong side of the doors, the stinging scent of rubbing alcohol drifting across us, I wasn’t so sure.
I'm guessing later teens, young enough to need a permission slip, old enough to fake one. Nice, intriguing beginning.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of intriguing details in there. Since she's doing some kind of medical donation or testing (right?) but needs a permission slip, she must be at least mid teens, like 16.
ReplyDeleteSomething about your character's voice makes me think she is about 13 (although maybe as old as 15). Interesting little bit.
ReplyDeleteI think 15. The bit about permission slips makes me think younger, as well as the discomfort she's feeling. I think an older teen would act more on her instincts.
ReplyDeleteOne of you is right.... I wonder if you can guess who!
ReplyDeleteMy guess is 15 as well. :)
ReplyDelete15 is my guess. Good, strong voice and I'm dying to know what they're waiting to go do. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to guess 16. And I love the snippet--I've never read about a character with synesthesia. Your character voice is awesome--the descriptions were fantastic and very "real," if that makes any sense.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with writeidea and thinking around 13.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking 14 :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going with 16--still needs a permission slip, but is calm enough about faking it.
ReplyDeleteI'll go with 15. young enough to require permission slips and still worry about her mom not finding out about the slip.
ReplyDeleteWell she sounds youngish, say 14?
ReplyDeleteDenise
I would say around 15. Good story
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking 16 because she is definitely worried about getting in trouble. Good start. I really want to find out what the heck is going on. PAGE TURNER!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go with 14. Old enough to fake it, but young enough to need permission. Is it a tattoo parlor?
ReplyDeleteStrong writing! Nice set up! Love the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI guess 16 or 17. :)
Good job!
Both characters seem to be in their older teens by the dialogue. I'm curious as to what these slips of paper are for, and I did have to look up synthesia-- I had no idea such a thing even existed!
ReplyDeleteI'd say 16 and 15 with Hannah being the younger.
ReplyDeleteBased on those ages I'll guess that it's a piercing parlour
This was hard for me. The only clue I got was the permission slip but she sounds older than High School. I'd say 18
ReplyDeleteI would guess fourteen? Great voice.
ReplyDeleteJulia
I think your characters are fourteen with attitude ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm think a piercing parlor or tattoo place? That would make them about 14 or 15. I thought they were much younger for a moment, but by the end it caught up with me.
ReplyDeleteHi. I'm going with 14.
ReplyDeleteHave followed you!
Denise