Sunday, April 24, 2011

U is for.... Unfinished

Back in my J post, I had the first part of a story called Just Mickey. It was unfinished and I asked you readers to tell me how you thought it should end. I didn't get a lot of suggestions, so here is the ending.

I looked at him, terror knotting my innards. For some reason I thought he was going to hit me. He never had before, but I thought he would then.

He didn’t though. He hugged me, which was even more surprising. He’s not affectionate. I can count the times he’s touched me like that on my fingers. It was to calm me down after a fight or something; never for no reason.

“Don’t be afraid of me,” he said, a pleading tone to his voice. “There’s no reason to be scared of me.”

I’d never heard him talk like that. His voice is usually almost expressionless. It’s hard to tell what he’s really saying. There’s no…subtext to his words. Maybe he was drunker than I thought.

After several minutes, he let me go. He stood up, taking his wine with him. He stumbled a little as he crossed to the bed, kicking off his boots before he lay down. He cradled the bottle in his arms. I stayed where I was, watching, waiting, wondering what he might do next. But he didn’t do anything. He fell asleep.

I finished my bottle and smoked a couple more cigarettes, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing. When he didn’t stir, I stood up, needing the wall to support me as I did. My legs were more than a little unsteady. I crossed to the bed and stood there for a long time, staring down at the sleeping figure. He didn’t frighten me anymore. He was just my brother. He was just Mickey.

Can you think of a better ending?

1 comment:

  1. I remember when you posted the first half to this and not being able to think of any sort of ending. I think it was because I wasn't sure who the two brother's were or what you were trying to say in the piece. Here, it feels like you're simply saying, they're just brothers and that's all we need to know. I like that.