Well, just in time for the Query Letter Blog Fest being held over at Slice of the Pie, I reach the letter Q. I'm not quite ready to start querying Chasing the Tail Lights, but I figure it's never too soon to start working on a kick-ass query. I should be ready by July anyway, maybe a little sooner.Dear Agent,
Lucy and Tony share nothing except their genetic code. Tony’s the driven high achiever, the champion diver destined for greatness. Lucy’s biggest concern right now is getting Cute Guy from the burger joint to ask her out. Oh, and if her best friend is going to stop getting grounded long enough to make it to band practice.
When a horrific accident kills their parents, and leaves Lucy scarred, both physically and emotionally, she and Tony are thrown together and forced to rely on one another in a way they've never had to before. As they struggle to come to terms with their loss, and each other, they discover they might have more in common than the rock music they both love.
Lucy can't remember the accident and struggles to get her life back on track despite the horrifying nightmares that plague her sleep. When the long-suppressed memory returns, Lucy must decide whether telling the horrible truth is worth destroying the fragile new-found bond she’s found with her brother, or if she keeps the terrible secret festering inside.
I love the sound of this. It definitely sounds like a book I would read, and the query is great. My one small criticism would be the line, 'she and Tony are thrown together in a way they’ve never been before'. It's a little vague. Even something like 'Lucy and Tony are forced to rely on each other in a way neither of them had thought possible' might make it a little more definite though.
ReplyDeleteYou get across the interesting premise, and the idea that these are two people who are starting to discover themselves and others. I wish my query was that sharp ;)
I agree about the vague part. I like the direction you're taking with the query, but I think it might even be stronger if you start with the second paragraph and ditch the first one altogether. Starting off with a horrific car crash is a pretty strong hook. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteJust a personal preference, but I'd maybe leave out the 'this book will appeal to' part because you never know exactly what kind of books (or anything else) people like. My husband and I both like Psych and White Collar, but I hate Smallville and he hates Criminal Minds.
One day I'll get the courage to post my own query online and hope it'll be as promising as yours. For now though, I give you kudos for having the cojones to do so :)
This is great, Kate. You have a strong hook that attracts my attention. There was one sentence that I felt was weak:
ReplyDeleteUnable to remember the accident, Lucy struggles to get her life back on track, but is plagued by nightmares - I suggest you put it "Plagued by nightmares and unable to remember the accident, Lucy struggles to get her life back on track".
Good luck with querying.
I like this one a lot, but agree with others that the first paragraph could go completely.
ReplyDeleteGood work :)
I like this, and would totally read it. Other than what others have already said, I would say watch your commas.
ReplyDeleteThe second paragraph should maybe read:
When a horrific accident kills their parents and leaves Lucy scarred - both physically and emotionally - she and Tony are thrown together and forced to rely on one another in a way they've never had to before.
Agents are viewing your query letter as a window to your writing style, and if they see certain problematic ticks like comma misuse, they tend to take it for granted that's a problem throughout your whole MS. (At least that's just what some I've talked to have said. Subjective like whoa.)
Other than that, I think you'd get interest in this. Totally random thought, but have you thought about losing the 'The' in the title and making it CHASING TAIL LIGHTS? I have no idea why I just thought of that but I (again, purely subjectively) think it might ring a little better.
I'm probably the last person who should be offering advice on query letters, as I haven't yet written one. However, I was intrigued by your novel.
ReplyDeleteYou have a new fan.
Ellie Garratt
There's a lot to love about this. I would agree with the others who talked about it being a little vague at parts. But overall it's solid. Nice work
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything else to add to what has been said, and I see that you've already tweaked. It's a great query and really only needs polishing, sharpening and polishing some more. It definitely sounds interesting, and I would ask for more. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback on my query, and good luck!
Thanks for all the help, everyone!
ReplyDeleteHopefully by the time the book's ready, so will the query...
X K8
Hi Kate, I like your premise. It's unique, and I would want to read more. I love your title too.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I have to add is in this para:
Lucy must decide whether telling the horrible truth is worth destroying the fragile new-found bond she’s found with her brother, or if she keeps the terrible secret festering inside.
'horrbile truth' and 'terrible secret' feel very similar, and I'm not sure it's necessary to say the second one. Maybe:
Lucy must decide whether telling the horrible truth is worth destroying the fragile new-found bond she’s found with her brother, or if she keeps it festering inside.