Friday, May 4, 2012

Dust it off - Part 2

So, this is a super cool idea!  Courtney Pearson has set up this fantastic bloghop to get us to look back at shelved manuscripts. For the second part of the challenge, we're posting 300- 350 words of the MS.  It was hard to choose what section to post because there are a lot of moments in this book that I love.  The book as a whole, maybe not so much, but there are definitely sections that work. This is one of them....

Will paced back and forth, his face red with fury.  Alan stood still, a stubborn set to his jaw.
“I won’t let you!”  I heard Alan even through the hands clamped over my ears.  He turned and stepped through the kitchen door.  Willem caught him by the shoulder and started to pull him back.
“Let me go.”  Alan’s voice was cold and hard as he shook free of Will’s grip.
“Don’t you ever walk out on me!” Willem’s voice matched Alan’s.  Alan was as tall as Will, but Will was bigger, strong from working as a builder.  You could tell from looking at him.  So, when Will swung at Alan, I was convinced he would kill him.  But Alan hit back, and within minutes the two of them were fighting in earnest, fists flying.  I cowered in my spot by the couch.  I trembled, and tears rolled down my cheeks.  I couldn’t make a sound though.  I tried to scream, but nothing came out of my mouth.  I’d never seen them fight before.  They argued all the time, but I’d never seen them hit one another, and it petrified me.  Alan drew back his arm to punch at Will again, but Will saw him and grabbed hold of his forearm, hauling Alan off balance so he crashed against the doorframe.  Alan yelled and slid down the wall to lie on the floor.
“Get up!”  Will still looked furious, his face red and twisted to a point I barely recognized him.  Alan was white, his gray eyes huge.
“Get up!”  Will repeated.  He took a step forward and leaned down as if to drag Alan to his feet.
“Don’t touch me!”  Alan spat through clenched teeth.
Will took a step back, his eyes widening.  “What is it?”  He sounded uncertain, still mad, but scared now too.
“Just leave me alone!”  Alan’s voice shook, but I didn’t think it was with anger anymore.  Willem wiped at the side of his mouth where he was bleeding, then stared at the blood smeared on the palm of his hand.  He looked back at Alan and turned.  He saw me huddled on the floor by the couch and froze.  Glancing back at Alan one more time, he ran past me, out of the house.

What do you think?


  1. I'm curious about it. Why are they fighting? Was she deliberately hiding? Good description of the scene. It played out in my head well.

  2. Wowza, what a fight scene! The tension was excellent, and I'd really like to know more about what's going on. Nice!

  3. I LOVE fighting scenes! What great action.

  4. What do I think? I want to know more! What a place to stop! My curiosity is beyond piqued. Why are they fighting? Seriously what just happened! What a great excerpt. I have so many questions and want to keep reading to find out the answers.

  5. Great idea for blogging and re-examining! (Although looking at my old stuff makes me throw-up a little. lol)

  6. You did a great job with the emotion and tension here. I too am left curious.