tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post1225846696638440448..comments2024-03-28T04:07:58.140-07:00Comments on Fiction and Film: Romantic scene...Kate Larkindalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-32907567422590832422011-06-15T19:27:16.337-07:002011-06-15T19:27:16.337-07:00Congratulations, Kate, for being a finalist! This...Congratulations, Kate, for being a finalist! This scene really is fantastic. I love it :)Juliana L. Brandthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15903360100714298208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-12939006194653564892011-06-13T08:36:55.718-07:002011-06-13T08:36:55.718-07:00A friend sent me over here because she loved this ...A friend sent me over here because she loved this so much and I agree. Awesome job and I definitely want to read more!Kelley Vitollohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13304868437913885003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-74465027518371453142011-06-12T20:01:05.724-07:002011-06-12T20:01:05.724-07:00Thanks for the feedback everyone! Glad you liked ...Thanks for the feedback everyone! Glad you liked it. Clearly it's not obvious from this section that the scene is between two men. Must clarify that...Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-39955087363189819262011-06-12T15:21:46.927-07:002011-06-12T15:21:46.927-07:00Love this! Nicely done! It's a super intense s...Love this! Nicely done! It's a super intense scene and I think you've polished it nicely. My only crit is the bit about him wiping his mouth with the back of his hand after kissing her. Ha! Aren't you supposed to be sneakier when you do that?? ;)Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01513890163267239343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-43749292187098712702011-06-12T14:31:43.828-07:002011-06-12T14:31:43.828-07:00Hey you! Very good!!! I tried leaving a comment ea...Hey you! Very good!!! I tried leaving a comment earlier but Blogger didn't like me then. ANYWAY...my question is passive/active voice vs YA and adult fiction. I'm not sure if there's a difference in the way these genres are written but some of your sentences are passive voice. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be though because I've thumbed through YA and have seen it. Example: Jake’s looking at me, standing by the couch, his eyes weary-looking. <br /><br />Instead of Jake is looking at me, what about "Jake's eyes search mine." <br /><br />or<br /><br />Instead of “Have you any idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that?” Jake’s voice is shaking. How about "Jake's voice shakes like..." <br /><br />Show us his voice is shaking. Not sure if this makes any sense! But good luck either way!!!Christie Koesterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09476034899055355019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-55300304183783623172011-06-12T12:45:45.613-07:002011-06-12T12:45:45.613-07:00Very intense. Nice job.Very intense. Nice job.E. Arroyohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06634213563563094173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-3924737251510508482011-06-12T12:39:27.155-07:002011-06-12T12:39:27.155-07:00No suggestions on this - it's such an intense ...No suggestions on this - it's such an intense scene. And great as a stand-alone because it explains things that have happened we haven't read. Wow...so much emotion. I love it ^_^ I can really tell you've polished it.Loralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-29693937448724275252011-06-12T11:37:03.449-07:002011-06-12T11:37:03.449-07:00I love the tension and the passion in this scene. ...I love the tension and the passion in this scene. I'm glad it's a love scene between two young guys, because I think you captured their hesitancy and excitement perfectly. I like that they're trembling because it's scary for them to admit to their feelings for each other. Great work!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-23620279689302718872011-06-12T09:28:19.921-07:002011-06-12T09:28:19.921-07:00Not only is this hot, but the love between these t...Not only is this hot, but the love between these two is thrilling. Great job!!! Love it.Tanya Reimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00293977395016853814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-4592682314950561922011-06-12T08:54:11.660-07:002011-06-12T08:54:11.660-07:00I could feel their hesitancy, fear, and passion. I...I could feel their hesitancy, fear, and passion. I like how you portray the two men together.<br />And...I smiled at "The towel rises in front of me as if by magic."Jodine Turnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06583269371871355740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-52094072357645265992011-06-12T01:10:20.257-07:002011-06-12T01:10:20.257-07:00Very intense... I liked it.
Just noted a couple o...Very intense... I liked it.<br /><br />Just noted a couple of things:<br />When Jake first goes to kiss her, his behavior seemed a bit aggressive... like he jerked her into his kiss, but maybe that is his way? <br />I'm also left in the end wondering if she fainted or just lost her balance from exhaustion?<br /><br />Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-23776862381116706912011-06-11T23:40:31.674-07:002011-06-11T23:40:31.674-07:00That was intense! Nice job!That was intense! Nice job!Jolene Perryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14809468564016928636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363187649278189370.post-9628422546288351522011-06-11T19:45:42.839-07:002011-06-11T19:45:42.839-07:00I adore this surprising and exciting excerpt! Ther...I adore this surprising and exciting excerpt! There isn't a word out of place as far as I'm concerned. The prose is gorgeous. My two favorite lines are "Relief crashes over me" and "It's like I lost ten pounds in an instant". Those are so visceral. I knew exactly how the narrator felt--and that's the point of great writing.<br />Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com